Wants vs. Needs

You know how we all struggle between giving into our wants and waiting for our needs? Well, I had the real deal recently so I thought I’d share it. Below are excerpts from my diary.
Enjoy!

I WANT

It started like a joke…I was talking to a new ‘silent face’; meeting a plain canvas to paint a person.
At first it was curiosity then it grew to warm fellowship and a sensing of feelings;
With each stroke of conversation I built a man I could love, a man that understood my unspoken words; he met me halfway and made the journey worthwhile. He shaped into a man I could desire endlessly.
Then Fact met fiction and desire met reality, coupled with a little intrigue it kindled a raging fire that soon threatened to engulf reason and duty!
We’ve been fighting it for so long…it now seems like a daily struggle!
I smile and keep conversations pleasant but my mind is consumed; I can’t seem to go five minutes without seeing a dark green jeep without spare tires!
What was most amusing was the way its chemistry undulated like AC currents. In the midst of that bewilderment, my only hold on sanity was his restraint. It amused me how he fought his instincts; how he kept holding back and raging to explode simultaneously.
However
Shockingly I found him standing in my door way one fateful day. His eyes were fixed on mine and his look was solemn. He looked harassed from within and spun beyond control. I could tell that the moment of truth had come
‘May I come in?’
I stop aside and he walked in. My heart pounded endlessly as I shut the door behind him –I held unto its handle for as long as I could. As soon as he stepped in, I knew my fate was sealed for it was clear that he had fought and resigned his fate to my arms.
I tried to make small talk but his eyes (wondering along with my every move) never left mine, willing me to feel his ache. We touched and it tingled, he held me and I gasped for breath.
It seemed the more I willed my body to resist, the more he intoxicated my senses and at last I was quiet in his arms. It was a beautiful awakening, one that I would not soon forget.
By morning, all inhibition had eroded into the shadows of the night and I was wholly his.

I NEED

Last night you were here, you held me so warmly, so tenderly
You were so real… and I remember saying to myself how much I love you.
As I drifted to sleep last night, I remember looking at your face, recalling those smooth lines of your jaw, and (laugh) the day old beard you always seemed to grow just before you sleep and the slight snore you make when your mouth opens by the corner…
I remember thinking how beautiful you are, and how I was ever so blessed to have you in my life. How you always seem to be the missing puzzle piece, how you never failed to annoy me, just when I needed a change of pace
You look so peaceful when you sleep [the complete contrast to when you are awake] always up and about when you are awake. If you are not stirring up the baby, you are busy showing me a dance move you just perfected; or just standing by the kitchen door smiling at me. And you look adorable even in those really backward steps you concoct!
I always wondered how someone could love me as much as you do. I just could not phantom how a successful, handsome, wonderful, exciting, fantastic, talented man, who has enough activity in his life to write an epistle, would revolve around my little world. I mean, how do you do it? How come I always feel like the sun in your universe, the rain in your drought, the object of your every fascination?
Sometimes I get so scared that I'm just having one of my daydreams, and I’ll soon rouse to be alone with myself.
Is it normal to be so happy? To be crazily in love with someone that loves you more than life itself? When we argue, its always silly, at the end…I always wonder why we were arguing anyway.
My guys just can’t get it. Yes, I'm a great girl, and yes he’s a phenomenal guy, but how do u people do it? Don’t you ever get tired of each other? Your third child is almost entering college and you two still act like you just met yesterday. How do you do it?’
I look at you and we smile. I know what comes to your mind; you are wondering how fast we can ditch this guy. And I burst into laughter.
“You are simply incorrigible! I don’t think folks will believe all the stuff you’ve made me do, (not that I didn’t end up wanting more)
I remember when we first met and everyone kept asking me what I did to you. How you just seemed to light up when you saw me. Everyone thought that you would be bored with me in weeks, especially with my ‘oh so conservative ways’.
‘Where did you find this wild one?’ My mom said the moment she saw you. It was true, where did you find me, where did I find you? It always seemed to bog everyone, even with their many misgivings they never once denied how happy we were, how like jigsaw puzzles we complete each other.
[Sigh]
For some inexplicable reason, I knew for the umpteenth time, that I loved you! It had nothing to do anything. It wasn’t a trait I could place and it was irrevocable too. I couldn’t stop it (primarily because I didn’t start it), I can’t control it. I can’t even pipe it down…all I can do is LIVE it and thank God for you!