I am a complex woman
The danger with being a woman of my tastes, composition, structure and style is that i find nothing indispensible...apart from air and water and of course food. The core of my being starts with the desire to breath and to have space. To own my own territory even if i dont mark it out like testosterone driven men do. In my opinion, what men find most intimidating about me is that i know what i want and i'm never afraid to go for it. I may be timid and shy at first, but as my dear friend once put it 'She's like a caged wild cat that will scratch you behind the ear!'
I see now how pointless it is to deny who I am and what I am about. And trust me hon, its not sex related.
I read in the paper the other day about 'Asexuality'. what the F is that? Amongst humans??????ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? First the gays now this?? Is this nature's way of dealing with over population now that disease and pollution isn't ridding the earth of us fast enough? It started off as an interesting read. The article began with the story of two love birds at their honeymoon suite who had never had sex [I thought it was another interesting story about chastity and the virtues of monogamy] but were not having sex after they married. It later expounded that they met as members of a group of Asexuals and after a 2year courtship decided to marry. After going through the article, i spent the next couple of seconds considering the possibility of being asexual and ooh boy! Once the picture of Morris passed my mind, I knew I needed no further convictions.
So what is up with me? why do I outgrow men like clothes? Its not funny. I meet really really great guys; wonderful men! loads of fun! Great family, great potential dads. At first they are a challenge...I mean, they like me, they're attracted to me but when they start feeling just a tad too comfi...I get the itch!
Its better now. Trust me, over the years, I'd just let them wrap themselves all around me and afterwards I'd feel very chocked and hence have to cut off all those winding branches to get loose. Now its kinda different.
My new boyfriend is,...he's weird...Just like me. Well, not like me. He has some crazies that well, are crazies and most of the time, he's adorable, mushy, sweet and sensitive. just right for me. It took me a while to get here with him. It wasn't easy! Trust me there were days i just wanted to kick him!
We've had strange fights, stupid fights, love fights, serious fights, issue fights...but at the end of the day, when I'm with him, I feel at ease. I don't have a care in the world. When he holds me, its like the most beautiful music playing into my heart. The only thing about me that he possibly hasn't realized is that I'm not much for words. I hear emotions in mannerisms, a look straight into the eyes say more to me than all the 'I love you's he could ever say. I mean, I know he's not yet completely himself around me but I'd like to hope that someday he will and that it wont be scary :) (which is another reason why my sudden disposition worries me)
He could use a little weight but that I can look forward to after middle age...lol. He is intelligent, I get his brain waves, I can follow his logic quite simply. He's not manipulative. He's more encouraging and self sacrificing than anything else...But strangely enough, I'm getting the itch again!
What is up? And I have a rule...well not really a rule, it goes along the line of me knowing without a shred of doubt that...it can only get better. So the thing is, I know that should something go wrong with my present relationship, I can only get better but the catch is, the one I have now is great! Really really Great! Super even! My dilemma now is...is there something better? not someone better?? but is there someplace else my heart desires to be? and Why the hell does it want that?
I am not ungrateful. Far from it! I appreciate the little things...I am sweet. I love people, I am kind and caring but once my mind goes all fritz with thinking, it really is out of my hands...boyfi calls it my 'logic mode'. Why this is baffling to me is that I like him, I really really do. He's great. He gets me! He's fine with my crazies (it would be pointless to deny it, don't you think?). This is what I thought I always wanted....Or is it??
I guess I'm just reeling off all the interesting movies I've seen today. Oooh boy! Lord I pray I dont mess this up, especially as all the arrows seem to point to him :)
I see now how pointless it is to deny who I am and what I am about. And trust me hon, its not sex related.
I read in the paper the other day about 'Asexuality'. what the F is that? Amongst humans??????ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? First the gays now this?? Is this nature's way of dealing with over population now that disease and pollution isn't ridding the earth of us fast enough? It started off as an interesting read. The article began with the story of two love birds at their honeymoon suite who had never had sex [I thought it was another interesting story about chastity and the virtues of monogamy] but were not having sex after they married. It later expounded that they met as members of a group of Asexuals and after a 2year courtship decided to marry. After going through the article, i spent the next couple of seconds considering the possibility of being asexual and ooh boy! Once the picture of Morris passed my mind, I knew I needed no further convictions.
So what is up with me? why do I outgrow men like clothes? Its not funny. I meet really really great guys; wonderful men! loads of fun! Great family, great potential dads. At first they are a challenge...I mean, they like me, they're attracted to me but when they start feeling just a tad too comfi...I get the itch!
Its better now. Trust me, over the years, I'd just let them wrap themselves all around me and afterwards I'd feel very chocked and hence have to cut off all those winding branches to get loose. Now its kinda different.
My new boyfriend is,...he's weird...Just like me. Well, not like me. He has some crazies that well, are crazies and most of the time, he's adorable, mushy, sweet and sensitive. just right for me. It took me a while to get here with him. It wasn't easy! Trust me there were days i just wanted to kick him!
We've had strange fights, stupid fights, love fights, serious fights, issue fights...but at the end of the day, when I'm with him, I feel at ease. I don't have a care in the world. When he holds me, its like the most beautiful music playing into my heart. The only thing about me that he possibly hasn't realized is that I'm not much for words. I hear emotions in mannerisms, a look straight into the eyes say more to me than all the 'I love you's he could ever say. I mean, I know he's not yet completely himself around me but I'd like to hope that someday he will and that it wont be scary :) (which is another reason why my sudden disposition worries me)
He could use a little weight but that I can look forward to after middle age...lol. He is intelligent, I get his brain waves, I can follow his logic quite simply. He's not manipulative. He's more encouraging and self sacrificing than anything else...But strangely enough, I'm getting the itch again!
What is up? And I have a rule...well not really a rule, it goes along the line of me knowing without a shred of doubt that...it can only get better. So the thing is, I know that should something go wrong with my present relationship, I can only get better but the catch is, the one I have now is great! Really really Great! Super even! My dilemma now is...is there something better? not someone better?? but is there someplace else my heart desires to be? and Why the hell does it want that?
I am not ungrateful. Far from it! I appreciate the little things...I am sweet. I love people, I am kind and caring but once my mind goes all fritz with thinking, it really is out of my hands...boyfi calls it my 'logic mode'. Why this is baffling to me is that I like him, I really really do. He's great. He gets me! He's fine with my crazies (it would be pointless to deny it, don't you think?). This is what I thought I always wanted....Or is it??
I guess I'm just reeling off all the interesting movies I've seen today. Oooh boy! Lord I pray I dont mess this up, especially as all the arrows seem to point to him :)
posted by Teva | 7:22 PM
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2 comments
