A less than inspirational speech

Ok, so I've been busy, and now with the credit crunch, all the bad news hovering around me, people expecting more from me, me forgetting my brother's birthday...ok, he's not my biological brother, same difference! my darling boyfriend refusing to propose...i think i have some time to vent.
I dont know, I guess I expected more, I expected that we would be riding on some cloud of awesomeness, and sipping champagne with world leaders, trying to joggle all that work.
hmmmmmmmm
You know what bothers me most, the fact that I let it all get to me. I mean, look at me, I survived emotional trama, gave quite a few to be honest, didnt do any of the nasty stuff and yet I wind up literally 'wound up' to a guy who's just growing...I mean, come on! WAKE UP GIRL, this never happens to you! you know how to deal with this kind of things, you cut your losses and move on, that's why you'd have made a great businesswoman if you had just devoted a tiny portion of that time to something else other than him........

Now, anyone reading this that doesnt know me will so get the wrong idea. You will misunderstand everything I'm saying and come to the world's wrongest conclusion. Its safe to say I have been know to throw people off...not intentionally mostly but it generally happens. I mean, it really takes a 'yeye-inc' or a soundboard or a 'coulda-shoulda' or a 'NEO' to get me. So why sprechenth me? Because I cant keep silent anymore!
je déteste ce silence exaspérant!! I want to speak!!!
LET ME TALK!!!
I want to speak [this would be the appropraite time to cry but naah, dont wanna ruin my mascara]
Ooooh dear GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????

I missed it,
I let it slip from my hand,
I let this perfect opportunity slide,
Now it scares the crap out of me that it may never come back again,
I may just have let it go...FOREVER[in phoebe's silly voice]

Damn!
I let him become more important than me...
I've become that woman...the one that throws it all away for love,
The sad sad cliche!
I've let him take that from me.
Right now i'm thinking of millions of ways to barbeque is tiny ass but i know i wont, so it makes me even more angry! if this is love, i'm sick of it!

In the midst of it all, i know i love him, i know i would do anything for him, but i hate that its true, is that normal? does every girl on the planet think like me? or is everyone thining...'psycho, lets get outta here!'
I really dont get why i have to be one in the relationship with the brain of a guy and the body/emotions of a girl. while he looks, talks, and craves like a guy but feels like a girl. He doesnt want me to move because he'll miss me too much...COME ON, i'll miss you too but that dont mean i'll pass up something that good just to keep staring at you...I mean honestly, I really dont think i'm being unreasonable...
Not to mention, my biggest concern in the future is how to leverage this, because i can think of ways to wangle out what i want, i mean that comes naturally to me...like air :)
But i cant with him....he's my achille's heel, my very own kryptonite!

To be fair, he is more than patient, i think no will be at peace with me as much as he is. I may scare him from time to time...but he sees me, he knows me, and he loves me with this kinda love thing that is like a sedative for raving madness. He hugs me and it feels like an avalange hit my erupting volcano...I should wring his neck!!!!
Well since i cant and i know i wont, i'll just succour in the knowledge that I at least vented!
Yearh!! HArd core chick...LOL

Help!