someone's watching over me.....

When I thought about writing today's entry...I wanted to begin with the latest happening in my life...how once again, to my chargin I find myself in that familiar place -Singletons! Well, not that I'd really left but let me but it this way, I missed the flight! naa, that doesnt quite capture it...hmmm, I'd packed my bags, told everyone i was going to travel, gotten my documents, my tickets and was just waiting for my visa to arrive...and it was denied [well that really did happen but that's not the gist of today] You know the feeling of being so close to getting something...just barely inches away and you can feel it or even taste it....and then SMASH! You're back to square one...that's what happened. I could almost feel that wind in my hair (yeah right) and then the door slammed shut in my face.

I was also going to tell you guys about this guy i keep running into. It's actuaally hilarious because the first time i saw him ws in the library, he looked at me as if he'd seem a ghost or something. He said hi, and i said hi, and i walked away. What is most amusing is that I ALWAYS run into him. Seriously, campus is not that small trust me, but a week hardly runs by that i dont 'bump' into him by accident.
Usually i wouldnt acknowledge it, but yesterday I was returning from the Lab late at night and there he was walking toward the student buiding...I couldnt resist bursting into laughter...what kind of awful coincidence is this. What was more ironic is that i guess because i started laughing he just didnt say his usual 'hi'.
Anyways for what its worth, the next time i see him (if i do see him again), i'll stop him, say hi, introduce myself and have a chat!! GO Getter TEVA!!

So back to door slam experience...I truly hit myself on the head and went 'why??? why??? why????' Why is it that feelings dont flow in circles, they flow in triangles..... And i know myself too well, cant sit well with those whys, especially when it has some sentimental attachment to it. I mean, why ask why the sun shines when you know it will anyway? Why ask why winters are so cold when you know temperatures are not going to change just 'cause you are grumbling about it.

Its amazing that i've not talked about his imperial majesty in a while. That's partly 'cause we are getting along better now. Well the distance is definitely an augmenting factor but I think we communicate better now...via emails...Good! I miss my mama. I so wish...I really wish i could help her right now but she needs a new, fresh outlook on life, something she can't afford or doesn't want to afford now. Its amazing how if you've been put down long enough you begin to think like that. In as much as i've forgiven him, i cant help but wonder how much better, how life would really be if things were different. I f she was a go-getter! If she were more confident. If she really knew her worth...for she is priceless.
Now when I think about the 'SLAM' in my face, I think about the hand holding me up and the other covering me. I take a look at myself in the mirror and see the price tag hanging around my neck...its the life of the only son of God.
I'm glad I have that knowledge...and i know, nothing! NOTHING, absolutely nothing can take that knowledge from me. It is my identity....Look out world! A star just started shining!!!