Admirers.....BEWARE!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOHH, why did I write that heading? I should have been patient! See it’s now Sunday evening and I'm trying to re-live the emotions that rocked me on Thursday but now it’s not coming…. See me now…I'm sure a couple of folks are going to laugh silly when they see that I’ve not much to say anymore. Men…the adrenaline that was surging through my veins on Thursday was just too intense [probably the ague]. Then I flew back home and had a sleep-full Saturday. And now Sunday morning, I have nothing left…no pain, no fear just calm….I’m so calm I'm afraid that I'm probably in denial or something. My devotional was about the three Hebrew boys who God rescued from the horrid fire. And now I'm listening to Buble’s ‘You and I’ and I feel right at home. Where did all my pain go? Where did all my anger go? This is worse than being in love! Is this what un-inhibited happiness feels like? And there’s no man involved…cool! I only pray I remain like this long enough (I'm sure that by the time the hassles of work set in, it might not stay.)
LOL Oh my God! You won’t believe how much venom I had to spew. I had this really long speech fully articulated, well punctuated and full of all the things I didn’t like about my life and these very funny bunch I like to refer to as my ‘admirers’. I mean how do you explain the fact that these people don’t ever come when you need them, but when you’ve finally managed to ensue the need for them. Nonsense!
May be if I trace my actions over the past week I’ll gain the semblance of what led to ‘admirers…beware’. But I must warn you, it won’t be the same o!
Its weird isn’t it? I think I should say I'm a very emotional writer. I write best in the heat of the moment but right now, I'm just very tranquil! Or is it…? [I reject writer’s block]. LOL

The build-up
Two weeks ago, his imperial highness came visiting. He didn’t bring my baby along. He then demanded an apology for an email I sent six-months ago. Imagine!!! To say that I was pissed was an understatement. And the fact that he always gets his way even though he’s wrong irritates the hell out me. Then my mediating mama tells me God loves the peace-maker and how I should be the one making peace…anyway he got his way again and I apologized under duress. Something I think he still plans to get me back with.
Anyway, the working week began almost immediately after that and it seemed like everyone, client and colleagues alike just could not fathom what work we were doing and why we should be paid this much. I'm a consultant by the way, so I guess it’s not new that while top management appreciates the overhaul we are working in their processes, the average employee may not see it just yet. This is usually expected. But my brother no be like that o! Even the oga patapata they talk say im no know the kin jazz we use make im sign our contract….haba!
There we were on Tuesday morning, trying to stragedize how to win our client back, when one after the other, factions of our colleagues start passing deviling comments. A peaceful bus ride home from work turned into a play of banter insinuating that we were just a bunch of otiose chameleons. Talk about the perfect end to a long day.
That played out for a couple of days, and it just seemed like the more we tried to come to a compromise with our client, the more he was infuriated by our actions. The perfect topping came toward the end of the week my supervisor fell sick. He had clearly over-worked himself and the evil parasites gripped him right there in the office.
Omo! Talk about a reality check!
Ok o! The weekend came…and I couldn’t just explain my feelings. You know, I had wondered how I was able to get over my ex- that fast…apparently I was just on damage control! Damn the reality hit me Sunday morning. What began as a simple ache from hearing our songs play back to back turned into a frantic craving …I missed the guy like crazy. I was suddenly so lonely, I couldn’t explain it. All I did to calm myself just made me more apprehensive. I called friends I’d not spoken to in ages. I filled my time with anything, saw a movie, I tried to work….nothing! Everything I saw reminded me of him, it was like craving caffeine.
By Monday I was very grouchy. Angry with the world, angry with myself for always falling for the wrong people, angry with God [only briefly] for watching me fall, angry at all those happy, smiling about-to-weds in my office. It was so bad a friend had to remind me to smile! As if that was not horrible enough, my lawyer kept nagging me about the decisions I had put on hold…AAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH
After a whole 24hours of being angry, I finally decided to stop being a baby and grow past what had happened. I prayed for grace and wisdom to do things right. And slowly I started gaining my tapping self back LOL. In my mind, I had pushed past the worst….boy was I wrong!
You know when you have a plastic smile on your face with a “F**K OFF” on your forehead; it should usually tell guys that you are in no mood to entertain flattery. Mba o! That’s when these fine young men think their game is tightest and they can go for the kill, [loud hiss] Brother…can’t you read??
When the first brother came, I thought it was just one of those things; I smiled and graciously avoided the question. The second came, I smiled and didn’t even answer the question, and the third came….in a space of ten minutes…haba???!! It was as though they had rehearsed it and was taking cues from each other to come say something silly. Can’t a girl get some breathing space?
At first it was flattering but they kept it at so much so that I could almost expect every word that came out of their mouth to have something to do with how sweet I look.
I know…but I don’t friggin wanna hear this right now…
As though that was not enough to think about, my feverish conditions returned with a pinch of body pains and seasonings of light-headedness. I have not felt that way since forever and it was simply terrifying. I called my doctor friend [see its always smart to keep your college buddies close] and he prescribed some vitamins for me that my pharmacist friend brought for me the next day…aaaaah I feel so loved. At least that’s one set of relationships I never had to worry about! We’ve been buddies since I first set foot on campus grounds wearing my trademark deep-blue dungarees and my sky blue flower top. [I'm sure the guys are shaking their heads remembering] Man those where the days… I was still a guy then. Seriously, my doctor friend used to say that he would never have believed that I would ever become girlish.
‘Tinu carrying a bag? What?’
“Ooh my God, she’s actually wearing heels…”
The last time we spoke before I fell sick he went, ‘I don’t believe you! What did you do with your Y-chromosome?’ LOL. Anyways they gave me the whole stress-speech and a list of do’s and don’ts for the next twenty days [like I ever listen] LOL
Anyways my love-struck girlfriend didn’t call for a while and I was getting worried so I called her up. She didn’t pick up. She rang me back to say she was working and that everything was fine, but the way she rushed me off the phone made me think she really didn’t want me to know the truth. Well, she’s a big girl…and I know I'm still going to loose more sleep over this….HELP!!!
Ok, back to the admirers. Yep! In the midst of this, did the admirers relent? Noo! They thought that vulnerable me was a rarity that should be exploited. At one point I put off my phone and didn’t bring it work the next day

The Result
Enter Thursday afternoon – [the massive hunt for the new bride]
I was swallowing my vitamins when Admirer A sent a messenger with green roses. ‘How thoughtful’ then he asks me why I haven’t announced to the world that I'm single now. I roll my eyes and ask him sarcastically why he thinks I should do that? He states that it would aid some people he knows in their decisions. I ask him why he thinks that’s necessary and he replies in a gruff that a guy doesn’t want to be put down all the time….really? So is this your idea of scouting the land? Sorry hon, not in my books…that’s Cower101. If you can’t affirm yourself, then someday you’re going to cower when I need you to be a MAN. EXIT
Admirer B. This young man has a knack for bad timing. And he climaxed in a disappearing act on Thursday [just when I thought I needed him] what was most infuriating about them was that each of these guys had each ignored the green light earlier. What? What made you think I’d be interested now?
Admirer C …ok, now I'm getting way ahead of myself. I don’t think details about the guys and their actions would be nice ‘cause someday they’re going to read my blog and go “What the hell??” Suffice to say at the end of Thursday as I left the office I felt so choked up and was dieing for AIR
We have this quarterly event in my office where everyone has to gather and hear about our business and the way forward. Well, this Friday was one of them and it was a blast! [Talk about a change of pace when you need it] I guess that’s where the cure for my grumpiness began. I saw a lot of my colleagues I hadn’t seen in months, even my former crushes graced the occasion with an outstanding performance. [Don’t ask] Ooh yes! I think my latest crush proved to be an interesting diversion but by the end of the day…..aah you know the drill, he had to have a downside. Well I have to hand it to him though, he’s got really beautiful hand and his nails are trim and clean.
I guess it was this Friday that broke the sunlight into my otherwise cloudy week. So after the meeting, I went to hang out at a colleague’s party. Another blast! Then on the way home, this guy starts his analysis of me. He asked for the umpteenth time whether I had a boyfriend and when I got tired I said yes that he’s in South Africa and he’s really pissed so if you can fly down there and tell him to stay the hell out of my head, I’d really appreciate it!
Then the guy starts…Tinu, you are just like an egg. Hard on the outside but all mushy inside….bla bla bla….bla bla…Some of the things he said were true but the application was way off…not even close! What I found reassuring was that even though this guy was not an admirer, he had spent time to read me properly. He, unlike the rest of the yin’ yang twins that were chasing me all around Abuja, had the common sense to observe my person hmmmmmm, maybe I should consider him…LOL. No way, I'm not attracted to him and I don’t think I will be for some time.
Aaaaah….the sigh of relief

Verdict
Thank God for the parties on Friday. Thank God for the spirit, thank God for the colleague that drove me home…if not, the admirers would really have had to beware for I can tell you that my bark is nothing compared to my bite…
[See her, like say she no go eventually marry….LOL] All I'm saying is BE SENSITIVE, BE ALERT!!! Don’t just rush in….even if you had planned to make your move on Monday, if she’s not in the mood…back the hell OFF. There’s no greater turn off than a guy who’s all about himself. He’s likely to be like that in everything else, including the sack! So until next time, be good boys and girls…LOL…read Eze goes to school.

Too many cooks

Hi y’all…it’s been an exciting two weeks I believe. Full of ups and down…in fact, I’d say this is the first rollercoaster ride I’ve been on in recent memory…. I’ve had more mood swings than a teenager high on some really cheap stuff! I always prided myself in how much I’ve changed since my last job, how I’ve ‘matured’[ –mu’tyurd ], gained some weight (in the right places of course), and like I-man usual says ‘ripen for the pluckin’ Come to think of it, I’ve actually not spoken with him in a while…to think we were almost inseparable during my school days…how life changes!
If someone had told me in the June of 2004 that come June 2006 you will not set eyes on I-man more than thrice; I would have laughed silly. I would have told the person that he/she was probably one of the blindest prophet-wannabe of our time because if you know I- and I, we are more than friends, we are practically soul mates! We had this really strong connection that I could swear would last through eternity…When I said in an earlier blog that I’d had it bad a couple of times, well I-man was as bad as it gets….Lets face it, its not everyday you meet a guy that just happens to be you with a Y-chromosome. Even though there were no gsm’s back then…the landlines had to be locked to keep me from talking to him. Even that was child’s play.
We had talked through everything…my anguish, my fears, my tears…and he’s the first guy I met that really talks about his feelings (as soon as he finds words for them). Then someone would now say that we’d drift apart that much???? That had to be a devil that should be bound! LOL. But here we are today…more acquaintances than friends…It really makes me wonder if that’s not what happens to marriage.
You start out like inseparable halves on huge highs and you both take it for granted and life’s activities…getting that promotion, taking care of the baby, doing all that matter to you; ends up taking up your lives. Soon you become flat mates, rather than soul mates….Hmmm…
Anyways, so I started this week feeling really excited. Then all these horrible mails started trooping in, and I just started sinking…then I got some ‘word-injection’ and stabilized but that fizzled out over the weekend when I locked lips with devil and promptly ensued him again. As though that wasn’t bad enough my friend who woke me up the other night was having it worse than I thought….Jesus, why can’t we all fall for angels eh?? And must every good guy be nerd-looking?? Haba? Is it ALWAYS an either-or situation?? Either they are hot and evil or nerd-looking and good? Aren’t there Clark Kent’s, or peter parkers among us today? Even if we can’t get the upright, forthright few, aren’t there good looking, well shaven- good guys? Must they all be sloppy and selfish like Vince Vaughn in Break-up?
Tinu’s verdict on Bad guys: They are like cheap drugs, they only get you high, they don’t keep you there! I’m so angry I could smack the taste right out of his mouth (if my hands were strong enough…on second thought, I’d hire someone to smack the taste out of his mouth). I’m very concerned about my friend…and the sad thing is I can’t seem to get her to see the truth about it all. What do I do? If anyone has ideas on how to get a good girl to leave a playa…please let me know. You would be saving a soul (and getting me some quality sleep…aaaaaahh that was mean, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it that way…ooh me and my big mouth)

OK….BACK TO MY ROLLERCOASTER RIDE……
A lot of emotions man, yeah and that’s what brings up the many cooks theory….Its amazing how everyone always has advice for you on how to manage your love life, how to manage your relationships, how to manage your business especially after you’ve started doing things right….man….after a while, I just keep a plastic smile on and waltz through it all. And I believe things are beginning to look better for me and my super ex-girlfriend. She’s starting to get a wave of promising young men dropping by! In case you’re wondering who my super ex-girlfriend is, well lets just say she’s one person that stuck with me (by force, if I do say so myself…yes …don’t roll your eyes) You remember very well. Well now, its paying off because we are so very similar, we’ve been through similar things…errrrh recently LOL and we’re pretty close! Thumbs up to my super ex-girlfriend!!!! Make sure you kick ‘Mr.’ butt with your flying kick as the true Agu Nwanyi that you are…LOL.
Have a great day guys!!!!

Jumbles

I once read an article on women and hormones. it was about a year ago, it read something like women have different kinds of hormones in their bodies at different points in their cycle; the intensity of which is dependent on a lot of factors and the time in her cycle. At such times the hormones make some ladies irritable, some hungrier, some experience a loss of appetite...and all these symptoms depend on the prevalent hormone at that time. The hormone's intesity flunctuate from time to time. In the end, the writer said that there are times in woman's clock that she's completely level. Her entire system is at an equilibrum and as such she's not at the disposition of her hormones. The 'koko' of the gist is that women have only 3 days in every month when they are completely sane. Imagine?? there are only three whole days when a woman's body is not beseiged by some hormones or endorphins. hmm??so everyday we go on fighting these tiny chemicals for a right not to cry so often, or make too much of any action when ur intuition is running riot. That aint so fair! Well, what do i know about fair.
Today has been eventful. I'm so pissed, I dont know who begged me. Na jeje the guy dey o, na be go look for trouble o! I think i'm going to stop being trying to be nice. Its true. Its those times that get me upset when my effort is not appreciated. LOL....ooh man, i do need help.
Did you know that someone paid me a compliment yesterday that i still find hard to get over... he said and i quote... 'Yeah, always stuningly stubborn' I dont know why i'm going on and on about it...he probably didnt realise how far it went but i guess what makes it endearing is the fact that it was for me. Really it described me in one very simple phrase! Well....not all of me, but a part of me i've not been able to put in words. Kudos to you, medcine man!
In the spirit of heartbreak, a friend called me at 12 last night. She was very close to tears. Apparently she had been having issues with her sweetheart and i guess the moment of truth had come. Omo, e no easy o! Talking to her really got me thinking...seriously. I've heard of people having it bad for others [damn, i've had it bad a couple of times] but the way she feels for him is so...so 'i dont know the name for it'. i'm so tempted to say, love. She was so hurt that she hurt him. The irony of it all is that only God knows wetin the 'chike' brother did to my sophisticated, dynamic, beautiful friend. Na wa o! As if that wasn't bad enough, i just got off the phone with another one who thinks she should call it quits. Haba???? ...i think this thing is spreading like wild fire! All of you should not break down at the same time, who's going to comfort me now ?
Omo be like say I go take vacation!

Back to Singletons'

Well here we are again! the familiar feeling of wanting and not getting. The crossroads where we've parted ways. I guess i knew it was coming. We had been going back and forth over the same issues lately. I had a last chance to save it on friday but i let it go. I guess I know why...the sacred choice between heart and duty. It may hurt (and believe me, it did) but I was doing him no further good. I can't move forward with him (and i so want to move forward) and i cant let him give it all up. It just isn't done.
So we did the honourable thing, more like i did the honourable, painful, partly sad, very wise thing. So here is mademouiselle Teva single and very hurt! hurt she imposed on herself anyways. Its all good.
Its amazing how i never fall for the simple guys, the nerdie-good-kind...nooo! na...i've got to go find me the 'trobule' kind, the ones with non-relenting ex's, the ones with 'its-not-my-fault-i-did-it,-i'm-a-guy' kind of tales for all their mistakes, ones with really complex issues....maybe i should see a shrink!
Better yet, maybe i should be like my aunt V. Single, content, and pushing forty! (don't think i have the nerve for that) [shrugs] i'd love to have kids and I can not put them throught the pain of being raised without a father. so here we are back to square one...the single's circle!
Even though it hurt, i feel peace towards him, and i know he's a good guy inside and i wish him well...
now its time for me to be silent and heal.....

A brand new month!

Ola!!
Its a brand new month. Its amazing that we are finally approaching the last quarter of this beautiful year. Hmmmm, i can already hear the 'Noels, and the Merry Christmas! Aarrh! I''m a sucker for Christmas, especially a white christmas! I always get chipper once it gets into the '-ember' months or maybe i'm saying this at the wrong time but i cant help but feel excited about it.
How y'all doing???Its been a great week hasn't it? Even greater now that we have exactly 21 weeks to christmas! I don't know why I'm so excited! Its not like I just won the lottery or that some hunk finally decided its time to propose (LOL). I think i'm simply excited because this is the time of our lifting.
I'm sure if you've been observant, you'll notice that most of our ministers are talking about the 'wealth transfer' or 'the time of the glorification of the church'
I believe ladies and gentlemen, that that glorious time is upon us. We need to rise up to the occasion. Guys, the earth has be groaning, waiting, pining for our manifestation as the 'heos', the sons of God. People! Let us arise! Let us show the world who our father is. Let the light of God's greatness sweep right through us.
I'm longing to see more of our brothers in the limelight! More of the world's respected bowing at the name of Jesus. Recall that he said that he that entered his rest has seized from all their work! Omo...therefore labour earnestly to enter that rest! People! Se e ti gbo ( You don hear?)

I just thought to share with you all what makes me tick and thick! there's nothing more refreshing, nothing more exhilarating than waking up to feel the love a father that will never leave you nor forsake you. That sent his only son so that you also can be a part of his family. Woo! I no be pastor jare! i'm just telling it as i see it. If you've not felt the love of Christ, there's still one special thing you've never known!
See y'all!