Admirers.....BEWARE!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOHH, why did I write that heading? I should have been patient! See it’s now Sunday evening and I'm trying to re-live the emotions that rocked me on Thursday but now it’s not coming…. See me now…I'm sure a couple of folks are going to laugh silly when they see that I’ve not much to say anymore. Men…the adrenaline that was surging through my veins on Thursday was just too intense [probably the ague]. Then I flew back home and had a sleep-full Saturday. And now Sunday morning, I have nothing left…no pain, no fear just calm….I’m so calm I'm afraid that I'm probably in denial or something. My devotional was about the three Hebrew boys who God rescued from the horrid fire. And now I'm listening to Buble’s ‘You and I’ and I feel right at home. Where did all my pain go? Where did all my anger go? This is worse than being in love! Is this what un-inhibited happiness feels like? And there’s no man involved…cool! I only pray I remain like this long enough (I'm sure that by the time the hassles of work set in, it might not stay.)
LOL Oh my God! You won’t believe how much venom I had to spew. I had this really long speech fully articulated, well punctuated and full of all the things I didn’t like about my life and these very funny bunch I like to refer to as my ‘admirers’. I mean how do you explain the fact that these people don’t ever come when you need them, but when you’ve finally managed to ensue the need for them. Nonsense!
May be if I trace my actions over the past week I’ll gain the semblance of what led to ‘admirers…beware’. But I must warn you, it won’t be the same o!
Its weird isn’t it? I think I should say I'm a very emotional writer. I write best in the heat of the moment but right now, I'm just very tranquil! Or is it…? [I reject writer’s block]. LOL

The build-up
Two weeks ago, his imperial highness came visiting. He didn’t bring my baby along. He then demanded an apology for an email I sent six-months ago. Imagine!!! To say that I was pissed was an understatement. And the fact that he always gets his way even though he’s wrong irritates the hell out me. Then my mediating mama tells me God loves the peace-maker and how I should be the one making peace…anyway he got his way again and I apologized under duress. Something I think he still plans to get me back with.
Anyway, the working week began almost immediately after that and it seemed like everyone, client and colleagues alike just could not fathom what work we were doing and why we should be paid this much. I'm a consultant by the way, so I guess it’s not new that while top management appreciates the overhaul we are working in their processes, the average employee may not see it just yet. This is usually expected. But my brother no be like that o! Even the oga patapata they talk say im no know the kin jazz we use make im sign our contract….haba!
There we were on Tuesday morning, trying to stragedize how to win our client back, when one after the other, factions of our colleagues start passing deviling comments. A peaceful bus ride home from work turned into a play of banter insinuating that we were just a bunch of otiose chameleons. Talk about the perfect end to a long day.
That played out for a couple of days, and it just seemed like the more we tried to come to a compromise with our client, the more he was infuriated by our actions. The perfect topping came toward the end of the week my supervisor fell sick. He had clearly over-worked himself and the evil parasites gripped him right there in the office.
Omo! Talk about a reality check!
Ok o! The weekend came…and I couldn’t just explain my feelings. You know, I had wondered how I was able to get over my ex- that fast…apparently I was just on damage control! Damn the reality hit me Sunday morning. What began as a simple ache from hearing our songs play back to back turned into a frantic craving …I missed the guy like crazy. I was suddenly so lonely, I couldn’t explain it. All I did to calm myself just made me more apprehensive. I called friends I’d not spoken to in ages. I filled my time with anything, saw a movie, I tried to work….nothing! Everything I saw reminded me of him, it was like craving caffeine.
By Monday I was very grouchy. Angry with the world, angry with myself for always falling for the wrong people, angry with God [only briefly] for watching me fall, angry at all those happy, smiling about-to-weds in my office. It was so bad a friend had to remind me to smile! As if that was not horrible enough, my lawyer kept nagging me about the decisions I had put on hold…AAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH
After a whole 24hours of being angry, I finally decided to stop being a baby and grow past what had happened. I prayed for grace and wisdom to do things right. And slowly I started gaining my tapping self back LOL. In my mind, I had pushed past the worst….boy was I wrong!
You know when you have a plastic smile on your face with a “F**K OFF” on your forehead; it should usually tell guys that you are in no mood to entertain flattery. Mba o! That’s when these fine young men think their game is tightest and they can go for the kill, [loud hiss] Brother…can’t you read??
When the first brother came, I thought it was just one of those things; I smiled and graciously avoided the question. The second came, I smiled and didn’t even answer the question, and the third came….in a space of ten minutes…haba???!! It was as though they had rehearsed it and was taking cues from each other to come say something silly. Can’t a girl get some breathing space?
At first it was flattering but they kept it at so much so that I could almost expect every word that came out of their mouth to have something to do with how sweet I look.
I know…but I don’t friggin wanna hear this right now…
As though that was not enough to think about, my feverish conditions returned with a pinch of body pains and seasonings of light-headedness. I have not felt that way since forever and it was simply terrifying. I called my doctor friend [see its always smart to keep your college buddies close] and he prescribed some vitamins for me that my pharmacist friend brought for me the next day…aaaaah I feel so loved. At least that’s one set of relationships I never had to worry about! We’ve been buddies since I first set foot on campus grounds wearing my trademark deep-blue dungarees and my sky blue flower top. [I'm sure the guys are shaking their heads remembering] Man those where the days… I was still a guy then. Seriously, my doctor friend used to say that he would never have believed that I would ever become girlish.
‘Tinu carrying a bag? What?’
“Ooh my God, she’s actually wearing heels…”
The last time we spoke before I fell sick he went, ‘I don’t believe you! What did you do with your Y-chromosome?’ LOL. Anyways they gave me the whole stress-speech and a list of do’s and don’ts for the next twenty days [like I ever listen] LOL
Anyways my love-struck girlfriend didn’t call for a while and I was getting worried so I called her up. She didn’t pick up. She rang me back to say she was working and that everything was fine, but the way she rushed me off the phone made me think she really didn’t want me to know the truth. Well, she’s a big girl…and I know I'm still going to loose more sleep over this….HELP!!!
Ok, back to the admirers. Yep! In the midst of this, did the admirers relent? Noo! They thought that vulnerable me was a rarity that should be exploited. At one point I put off my phone and didn’t bring it work the next day

The Result
Enter Thursday afternoon – [the massive hunt for the new bride]
I was swallowing my vitamins when Admirer A sent a messenger with green roses. ‘How thoughtful’ then he asks me why I haven’t announced to the world that I'm single now. I roll my eyes and ask him sarcastically why he thinks I should do that? He states that it would aid some people he knows in their decisions. I ask him why he thinks that’s necessary and he replies in a gruff that a guy doesn’t want to be put down all the time….really? So is this your idea of scouting the land? Sorry hon, not in my books…that’s Cower101. If you can’t affirm yourself, then someday you’re going to cower when I need you to be a MAN. EXIT
Admirer B. This young man has a knack for bad timing. And he climaxed in a disappearing act on Thursday [just when I thought I needed him] what was most infuriating about them was that each of these guys had each ignored the green light earlier. What? What made you think I’d be interested now?
Admirer C …ok, now I'm getting way ahead of myself. I don’t think details about the guys and their actions would be nice ‘cause someday they’re going to read my blog and go “What the hell??” Suffice to say at the end of Thursday as I left the office I felt so choked up and was dieing for AIR
We have this quarterly event in my office where everyone has to gather and hear about our business and the way forward. Well, this Friday was one of them and it was a blast! [Talk about a change of pace when you need it] I guess that’s where the cure for my grumpiness began. I saw a lot of my colleagues I hadn’t seen in months, even my former crushes graced the occasion with an outstanding performance. [Don’t ask] Ooh yes! I think my latest crush proved to be an interesting diversion but by the end of the day…..aah you know the drill, he had to have a downside. Well I have to hand it to him though, he’s got really beautiful hand and his nails are trim and clean.
I guess it was this Friday that broke the sunlight into my otherwise cloudy week. So after the meeting, I went to hang out at a colleague’s party. Another blast! Then on the way home, this guy starts his analysis of me. He asked for the umpteenth time whether I had a boyfriend and when I got tired I said yes that he’s in South Africa and he’s really pissed so if you can fly down there and tell him to stay the hell out of my head, I’d really appreciate it!
Then the guy starts…Tinu, you are just like an egg. Hard on the outside but all mushy inside….bla bla bla….bla bla…Some of the things he said were true but the application was way off…not even close! What I found reassuring was that even though this guy was not an admirer, he had spent time to read me properly. He, unlike the rest of the yin’ yang twins that were chasing me all around Abuja, had the common sense to observe my person hmmmmmm, maybe I should consider him…LOL. No way, I'm not attracted to him and I don’t think I will be for some time.
Aaaaah….the sigh of relief

Verdict
Thank God for the parties on Friday. Thank God for the spirit, thank God for the colleague that drove me home…if not, the admirers would really have had to beware for I can tell you that my bark is nothing compared to my bite…
[See her, like say she no go eventually marry….LOL] All I'm saying is BE SENSITIVE, BE ALERT!!! Don’t just rush in….even if you had planned to make your move on Monday, if she’s not in the mood…back the hell OFF. There’s no greater turn off than a guy who’s all about himself. He’s likely to be like that in everything else, including the sack! So until next time, be good boys and girls…LOL…read Eze goes to school.