Ok...Recap and Assessement

This morning i feel like a real fraud. I've made striking progress in several key areas of my life this few days into the new year. What I can't stomach are those little sidetradings I had to make to get here.
I know i sound like someone that just did some mega bad things to get ahead. Its nothing that dramatic I assure you. ITs simply me giving into the 'inner critic' today.
Some two odd years ago, I was (in my own opinion) a more influential, disciplined, focused, very reserved young lady. I had some HUGE principles which I wouldnt bend for what you might regard as a worthy slip. Today, I feel so alien to that. I mean look at me...( Ok, you cant see me right now but...)Hmmmm.........May be its just that time of the month...but even that excuse sounds like a broken record.
I dont understand why i'm acting up. Everything's fine. I mean, really, my millions are still intact and my investments are doing far better than i anticipated, I'm working harder at school, more focused and hitting my targets, Still got heads turning, infact i have more 'potentials' now than i did as at writing my last blog entry; my friends are as wonderful as ever. I'm physically fit and I think my 'lepa' bod is gorgeous. So WHAT IS IT?????
why can't i just accept that some things in life will not change? That's my problem. I can't stand the fact that some very important and wonderful people in my life are dealt with treachously by people who profess to love them. I'm sure now my soundboard will go "Teva, not again??"
Yeah...I can't let it go. Why should we uphold a culture that punishes the maltreated and praises the tormentors? Why should we have men that are cowards and princes that are frauds? Why should we not be allowed to tell people they are wrong just because they are older.
Yeah, that's what's eating me. I feel like I traded my voice for thirty pieces of silver and the guilt is killing me. I betrayed her. I made her stay when she really should have gone. IT WAS ME!!
IT WAS ME!!!
I confess...I did it! I told her to stay...I begged her to stay with me. I didnt want to live without her...I still dont want to, but now, I feel like she traded her happiness for me and now its too late for her to be happy. Now she can't leave. Was I too selfish to give her an opportunity to shine?
She smiles at me and tells me its ok, that she chose her fate, but the grief in her eyes are unmistakeable, the sorrow in her voice, glaring!!
WHAT HAVE I DONE???
This is the part where Ex usually comes up with some ingenious thing to cheer me up...I wonder how he does it anyway? LOL. Hmmm???I guess that's the ghost of the Teva Castle...and the Rhema for that is, the Sun is rising, washing away darkness and hidden things.

Now to more cheerful recent events, New lesson in Teva's growing pains. Aint no way... No how Teva's moving in with no man...NO HOW! What?Uuuhhuh Omo come and see drama in my life. I didnt realise I was this touchy or is it hypersensitive we go call am? Men, my husband go try o! More gist later...
Now back to better gist...My people, dem talk say, soup way sweet, na money kill am. Well I must be really rich o, cause Frodo-look alike called yesterday. I trip when I see the estranged number for my phone. Omo, i for scream if no be say Yeye inc eye me furiously say may I no disgrace myself. It went well, yarns were smooth, the subtle flattery was received with grand delight...LOL
Seems he'll be bestowing us with his presence in town soon...hmmmm? Wetin this guy they contemplate? Abi im no know say holiday romance no dey find person come work?? Na wa o! well, we'll see how it goes.
My darling bros do wedding for im sister. Na so we see one oyoyo fine boy for the bridal train. Chai! See as yeye inc. shout say 'chineke me...na man fine like this??' Trust me, serious investigation is going into the matter and we'll keep you posted as soon as we get any new leads.

Take care people, I have tests to do...LOL.
See y'all soon